Well, I found my dress. Just like that.

I had been dreading going dress shopping for a number of reasons; not being particularly body confident, the hideous phone calls with other shops, the fact that the more dresses I look at online the more they all seem to look the same to me and mainly the fact that I didn’t believe in finding “the one” with a dress.

Well I was wrong on the last point. And I was right to go to the shop that was nice to me on the phone. It was the most wonderful experience, everything you should expect, bubbles, a private room, total acceptance of the unruly toddler who actually behaved like the star he is. Massive recommendation for Bliss Bridal in Doncaster, they were amazing.

They were so accommodating, so open to adding colour, open to me being a bit clueless after finding what I thought I wanted looked horrific. But anyway, I found it, I found my dress!! I only tried on about 8 or so, but the style that I thought I wanted (lace, sleeves) looked bloody terrible on me. So instead I have an ivory, tea length, boat neck with low back which is a satin top and organza skirt and I felt incredible in it. I probably shouldn’t have put any others on but the comparison helped. It was just me, the shop sample fit perfectly so I’m having that very one. My mum pulled it out when we were looking and I nearly cried, and then when I put it on it was just everything I didn’t know I’d been looking for. LouLou Bridal style Jeannie if anyone is interested. I’m not precious about people seeing it before!

It’s a lot more traditional than I expected but I’m going to add black shoes and accessories to funk it up as it has a very vintage feel and I don’t want to end up themed.

I have been looking online for quite sometime and the idea of what I wanted went out the window entirely although it is the length I wanted initially. It is so light and comfy and makes me feel so beautiful. I can’t wait to wear it and it’s made me even more excited to marry my best mate!!!

I almost feel disappointed to have “sold out” by having my dress moment but it just shows, even the most cynical twat can be converted by a pretty dress 😂


Wedding Dress Shopping for the Non Traditional Bride…

…is proving to be a fucking nightmare. I phoned 5 shops before finding one who didn’t just totally shut me down for asking for sleeves, a high-low hem and a bit of colour. Wow. I also really don’t believe in spending a fortune, I never have, I think the price tags attached to wedding dresses are severely over inflated and I’m just not dropping more than £750 on a dress for one day.

I also don’t have the type of figure that can wear anything, I’m about a stone or 2 more than I would ideally like to be but I won’t be dieting before the wedding and I have a man who makes me feel beautiful so to be honest, I’ll feel beautiful in anything just because of how he looks at me.

I feel more comfortable in funky clothing because I feel people are looking at those rather than me… wow this got deep! Having been a bride before, I felt beautiful in my awesome dress but I didn’t feel content or beautiful in any other way so this is a very different scenario.

I’m going to the nice shop on Tuesday so I’ll see what happens and keep you posted! If it proves unsuccessful I’ll be back to the internet!

Remember me…?

I’ve been a bit rubbish at writing recently, I’ve just not felt I’ve had much to say! But then when I thought about it, I actually do.

So, Pete put a ring on it!! We are engaged! And I have the most beautiful black diamond ring, I’m a very lucky lady!! So wedding plans a go go! We are looking to get married in January which is very exciting, just got to navigate the politics of the guest list… so I’ll be adding stuff about that as and when.

The engagement wasn’t a big spectacular which I’m pleased about, we’d been talking about it for a while and I was involved in the ring choice once he’d narrowed the choices down. It was just a lovely way to solidify our relationship.

It’ll be really special to have Frankie there. I don’t want to give him a specific role, just let him do what he wants really, I think kids at weddings are brilliant and there will loads so it will be so much fun!

Pete works away all week now so I’m a full on chef widow but hopefully things will get better soon, Frankie and I miss him terribly!! Plus, I would like to share the 5.30am mornings!!

So that’s what’s going on at the mo! Hope you’re all well and I promise to get back to regular posting!

And just like that, he’s 2.

Wow. I can’t believe he’s a two year old. It seems like yesterday we were celebrating his first birthday yet I can’t really remember life before him. Bit of a lie, I remember lie ins and all day hangovers in bed with pizza. And leaving the house quickly.

This year has been incredible, seeing my baby’s personality shine and get more pronounced. Everything he does astounds me, his counting to 10 (minus 7, he hates 7) and his love for Thomas the Tank Engine (specifically Gordon and Caitlin tho) and his funny little ways. His talking is incredible, his voice and his unique words that most of the time I’m the sole translator. It’s such a special time. I want to bottle it.

I’m so grateful that I have this incredible little boy and I am so proud of every ounce of him. I beam when people tell me how lovely he is or compliment anything about him. I did that. Nothing I ever do will match that feeling as nothing else matters except my dude.

We are still in with trying for a sibling for him but nothing has happened as yet. We remain hopeful. But if our lot in life is to have one, my god we got a really good one. How lucky are we?

Happy Birthday my little love. I can’t wait to see your face at your party on Sunday. Momma may cry. A lot. Sorry Squish.

2018 is gonna be a good one.

I can feel it.

Last New Years Eve sent me crashing into a depressive state. But it was the low before I finally started to emerge as a better version of myself and start to get back to some semblance of normalcy.

This year, I feel good. I’ve got a great family, an incredible boyfriend (I think, I don’t see him much, but when I do he’s very pretty…), the most perfect little boy that gets scrummier and yummier everyday and a few friends who are genuine and I know they are my lifers.

I don’t know what’s in store for 2018 but we are all happy and healthy and nothing else matters beyond that does it.

So no “new year, new me” bullshit, cos I’m alright actually.

Do They Know It’s Christmastime At All?

Another song title, you are welcome.

So, it’s Christmastime. I bloody love Christmas. I feel like this is my first proper one with Frankie, I was still a bit mental last year and genuinely can’t remember much about it but luckily he had no idea so no harm done. Hopefully. But this year he has a bit of awareness and loves the tree and lights and our matching jumpers. Honestly, loved it haha!

I’ve noticed this year, more than ever, how much pressure people put themselves under to get the best gifts for their kids and I’ve surprised myself a bit by being of the mindset that I’m not going to buy him a load of “stuff” just for the sake of it. We have gotten him a wooden train set because he loves trains and I know he will play with it lots and we’ve asked family to buy him some Thomas The Tank Engine trains to go on it. He’s also had a new bauble and will be getting some new Xmas even pyjamas but I feel that’s plenty. His train set was expensive and quite frankly we can’t afford much else this year. I hope that next year and beyond I can get away with being as sensible about it because I don’t think Christmas is about overspending on pointless things, it’s about family. And food.

I also don’t believe in the Elf on the Shelf thing. I feel that Christmas is a magical time of year, still as an adult I feel that way. But I don’t think kids need excessive deception in order to create that magic, I think I feel too strongly about this and I am of the opinion that each to their own but I just worry if we go too far with “creating” the magic rather than just allowing it to be, when they inevitably find out or realise the truth, that their memories may be tainted. I haven’t met anyone else who shares this opinion yet, but I feel it all the same! I also don’t want to use it as a disciplinary tool or “threat” because what about the rest of the year?

Anyway, just my thoughts. Ultimately, let’s just eat, drink and be merry and don’t feel that you need to spend a fortune to give your kids an incredible Christmas.

Big Weddings.

Don’t get too excited, I’m just thinking out loud. Pete and I aren’t engaged, and we probably won’t do the whole engagement thing but instead just go get married at some point. And when we do it’ll be a very small and intimate affair with just close family and a couple of friends. Some of you may know I was married before and that’s how I always wanted it but ended up with what I consider a “big wedding” even tho it was a bit non traditional in a lot of ways.

It’s got me to thinking, whilst I love being a guest at a big wedding and I used to plan them as part of my job, it just doesn’t appeal to me personally. That doesn’t mean I don’t look at people who have these huge extravagant weddings with all the trimmings and think how amazing that is for them but I don’t envy them. I just would struggle to justify the cost for one day!

I know to a lot of people it’s really important to have the perfect day but I know however I marry Pete it will be perfect. And I don’t want that to sound condescending like “we only care about the marriage so we don’t need all that stuff” cos no matter how you do it you end up married but for us that’s all we really give a shit about. If we could afford a huge fancy affair perhaps we would think differently but to be honest I doubt it. We’d maybe just choose dinner in a better restaurant. And stay at Claridges. And have Louboutins.

I sounds like we’re planning a wedding, we’re not, just planning to plan really. Anyway. Musings on a Saturday morning whilst the baby naps!!

More guilt. 

Why is this parenting lark all about the guilt?!

Pete and I never wanted Frankie to be an only child, that wasn’t an option for us. But now that we are “trying” for Baby Garlick Volume 2, I suddenly feel so guilty that I am going to be changing Frankie’s life irrevocably.

We have so much fun together. And I envision that only increasing but I don’t want him to ever feel anything but completely loved by us. To be honest I’m hoping by a slightly smaller age gap that he will soon not remember life on his own. There are 4 years between my brother and I and despite us being very close and getting on well (most of the time!) I distinctly remember him telling me once that I ruined his life when I came along. I was only 3 or 4 but it’s really stayed with me and I would hate for Frankie to feel that way. I would like to add that I have a brilliant relationship with my brother and always have had but I still remember him saying it and I felt bad that he felt that way.

Of course Baby 2 will never know what it’s like to be the only child and of course as a second child, that’s my thought process. I am probably overthinking it, I just see so much advice of how to play the situation and what not to do and it makes my head spin! I’m doing ok doing my own thing with my dude so I’m sure we’ll be alright!

Realising how bad I was. 

There have been a few things happen over the last few weeks that have made me realise just how bad my PND was at its worst. 

Pete’s sister recently had a baby girl and she’s been asking my advice on stuff and I really can’t remember the majority of those early days. I can remember a few key points but sadly I can’t remember much at all. It’s a void. 

I also thought I’d rewatch the Stranger Things series ahead of the new season starting next week and I think that really shows how numb I was. I am a wimp, I get scared at the most pathetic things (as per previous posts…) and I watched that all in about 3 days with little bother. Rewatching it now I’m basically having mild palpitations. As such, I had to save the last 3 episodes under the guise that I wanted to “introduce” Pete to it, when really I just needed my superhero to look after me. What a loser. 

Anyway, just thought I’d share that as a PND update cos I’ve not bummed everyone out with that in a while! 

Also, update on the clown shiz, there’s been no crazy bastards dressing up as them and scaring people this year which is good. And the new Audi advert is terrifying, but I impressed Pete by watching it even though there were tears streaming down my face but that’s progress!!!! 

It’s a little bit funny. 

I do like using song lyrics in my titles. I’m sad like that. 

I was just thinking that I care so much about making sure that Frankie has a full and busy day or at the least a full and busy week to ensure he grows up a well rounded human. But I had a realisation today that my need to create memories on a daily basis won’t matter to him. He won’t remember. And I cried at the realisation. 

My special little dude and I have such amazing times together and he won’t remember. He won’t remember me throwing myself over the sofa during a highly inappropriate shooting game just to make him belly laugh. He won’t remember our beautiful cuddles watching In The Night Garden. 

It makes me really sad that possibly one of the most special times of my life won’t be remembered by the person who has made it so special. Teaching this little boy life skills makes me so proud. Every new word and skill fills me with more pride than I could ever feel for myself. He’s amazing. And I suppose that’s what gets you through that, knowing that as they grow, their manners and personality traits are down to these special moments. 

Wow. Sorry to bum you all out with my obvious realisations. I’m a bit slow.