I think I used to be quite materialistic. I was all about designer labels and having something that no one else had. I think in psychiatry terms it would have been me filling a void in my relationship with pretty things to mask my disappointment in my life. Or I just really like pretty things. I still do, if I still had the money I would buy new shoes all the time. Although now the shopping habit has extended to stuff for Frankie. In fact now that I am on so much of a budget I would sooner get him something whilst I look like shit.
Totally digressed there. Soz. So now, I realise that life isn’t about material shit, it’s about a spontaneous kiss from a little boy who calls me mama. Or baba cos he thinks that’s just what we call each other. It’s about those beautiful sleepy cuddles. He won’t remember that he had the most awesome little Converse but he will remember that I was here for him. I appreciate a lot of people do have to work full time and also want to work full time but for me I just want to be with my boy. I didn’t think I’d be like that either but I can work when he goes to school, for now I wouldn’t trade the fact that I’ve been there for every single milestone for any amount of money.
I love him so much that he makes me broody, I just want more of him! But then I’m torn between us never being just the 2 of us again. I know we have Pete but for the most part it’s me and my buddy. But I guess the fun and love just increases. I fully understand why people have so many babies now. Cos they are awesome. And for me, they make everything worthwhile.
I just want to add that I am aware there is more to life than having babies and I fully understand why people choose not to have them but for someone who spent a long time trying to find a bit of self worth, bringing my little man into this world and imparting him with wisdom is what life is all about for me.