So after 14 months, I feel able to discuss breastfeeding in a rational manner without bursting into tears. I think. I appreciate that I have a very beautiful, healthy and happy little boy but I do still feel guilty and to be honest like a bit of a failure that I was unable to breastfeed Frankie for more than a couple of weeks. Even though the decision was taken away from me by my body letting me down. I can’t help feel like that and no amount of being told otherwise does any good.
I wanted to write this post as I see more and more celebs and women in general posting their #normalisebreastfeeding pictures which of course is great and lovely but I can’t help but always find it a bit smug. That may just be me but I still think that those Momma’s who have chosen not to breastfeed or have been unable to are more open to comments being passed on their “choice”.
I guess I haven’t yet found anyone else either famous or in real life who I can identify with or has had a similar experience to me. Certainly lots of people had one or two of my issues but not all of them. I also desperately wanted to breastfeed and had not even considered formula feeding as I couldn’t see any reason why I wouldn’t be able to.
My issue now comes what to do if we are lucky enough to have another baby (not yet, Pete are you reading this? Not just yet!) As I would very much like to breastfeed and I have seen lots of mums who were unsuccessful the first time to go on and have a great breastfeeding experience the second time round. But won’t that make my guilt over Frankie even worse?! Like I was giving his sibling something he didn’t get.
I don’t know. Maybe I’m not really over this issue and maybe I just won’t know until the time comes. I just don’t think I could be blasé about it as much as I’d like to and say “I’ll try and if it doesn’t work then so be it”. It should be the most natural thing in the world and to those that struggle, that fact makes it all the more painful.