Self censorship. 

I use this as a quite a cathartic and honest creative outlet and it has been very helpful in many ways.  The posts that I have published are very honest and if it’s relevant, I’ve added it in, good and bad so as to try and give the full picture. But a fair amount of censorship has occurred. Mainly in the posts that I have started and are sitting in my drafts probably never to see the light of day.

Some I feel are far too personal. Some are clear and direct “fuck you” posts that are quite obviously aimed at certain people. Some I’ve not felt it right to publish them in the end due to my feelings changing. 

I would love to publish a couple, particularly one I wrote late last week following my “The worst day of my life” post. But it still feels a bit raw and the anger that comes through is probably a bit much and I have been writing my feelings following the death of my beloved Maggie in a private diary instead. I just know that people don’t “get it” so rather than explain myself or defend my grief, on this occasion I will simply express it privately. I may be able to write more about it in the future but for now I don’t think the subject will be spoken about much on here as it is simply too painful. 

I would love to be an open book; I adore Constance Hall and Harriet at Toby and Roo; but any negativity that comes their way makes me clam up a little more. I write every day in some medium or other and so I could easily post every day but I couldn’t deal wth some keyboard warrior slating me for their perceived opinion of me. It must be upsetting but I’d get so angry, and I would want to explain myself and defend myself and it’s pointless. These people are ridiculous and irrational and you can’t change their opinion. 

I don’t really know how to end this today, I just wanted to say this as I was looking at all my unpublished posts. I’m sorry if I’m a Debbie Downer for a while, I’ll try and censor myself positive I promise. 

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