This is a little off topic from previous posts but I felt it needed to be a bit lighter. Except it’s not, this is another rant. About my stupid fucking hair. It’s just ridiculous. I blame my mum for watching Dynasty so much and for being a huge lover of the 80s for the fact that when I was born in 1986 my hair was to be set in an 80s style forever more. NO MATTER WHAT I DO TO IT!!!! Even straight, I look like I am part of an 80s glam rock cover band. It’s just so 80s all the time.
I envy people who can rock a short cut, Pink’s hair is incredible and I would love to chop all mine off but growing it out I’d look like a mushroom for years. I absolutely love the long bob style, but no I’d be a triangle head. I love when my hair is sleek and straight, but the slightest bit of humidity and the widening starts. When other people’s hair gets longer, it’s weighed down so looks less voluminous. Not mine, the longer it gets, the wider it gets. In fact I think instead of growing down it grows out.
In fact I have hair envy of everyone. Everyone has better hair than me. At least if Frankie has my hair we can shave it! But what I have a girl who inherits it! Poor little sod!
So I shove it on top of my head in a scruffy bun/pineapple all the time. And people moan at me “oh you’ve got such lovely curly hair, you should wear it down more” no. No I have not, it’s too hot for a start, I feel like I have a fleece on my head all the time! It gets in my face and pisses me off. After washing it, it sometimes resembles a shaggy dog after I’ve left it to dry which is nice. And now I have a baby who swings on it!! So no people, the scruffy pineapple stays. Unless I’m going out or feel like “getting it out” as it were.
I had it quite short once to try and make myself do it properly and I had a heavy fringe like Jessie J. It looked awesome but the upkeep was constant. I needed to straighten it twice a day. No joke. And I went to New York in the middle of August and my fringe curled the minute I got off the plane. I’ve tried loads of styles and generally they all just end up looking the same when it’s curly. And I’m too lazy to straighten it myself. It takes half a day!
It’s just not fair, I will try any product that promises to give me beautiful curls but it’s all a lie. I am destined to have Sideshow Bob hair for the rest of my life. I have tried to embrace it. I really have. But I’m nearly 30 and I would love to be “Becky with the good hair” for longer than 1 day. Because straight after I’ve been to the hairdresser and she has worked her magic, it looks amazing!! Unless it’s humid or raining. Or I go to sleep. I want to be able to wash and go god dammit!! Not spend an hour wrestling with the knots and getting armache. Also, I reckon I’d lose a few kg if I shaved my head!
Disclaimer-I know there are people out there who have hair problems etc and I am in no way detracting from that. My hair just really fucks me off.