Frankie is nearly 6 months old and has 2 little bottom teeth coming through. Quite unexpectedly this has made me so sad. I think it may be because I didn’t enjoy the first 3 months of his life and my PND totally took over me and so I don’t really remember much except the negative. All these milestones now seem to be coming thick and fast and it makes me feel I’ve missed so much.
Everyday he does something new and it’s so incredible to watch. He has this cheeky little personality and his laugh actually melts my heart and makes my day. It’s like the quote from Peter Pan “when the first baby laughed for the first time, its laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies.” That sums up a baby’s beautiful laugh. I’ve always been a bit of a fairy obsessive, especially TinkerBell and this quote really resonates with me now. I would literally do anything to hear that dirty little chuckle.
I find myself looking at other mums and wondering if they love their baby as much as I love mine. That’s ridiculous, of course they do. I see them with their shit together and I’m smelling a bit like baby sick with my hair in a big red pineapple on top of my head and talking away to Frankie or doing something stupid to make him giggle and I just wonder if I’m the only one who forgoes everything else to ensure the baby is happy. I wonder if I feel like this because I have so much guilt for the first 3 months. I need to let that shit go. I know, but it’s taking some shifting!
Anyway, I know I’m going to feel this way for his entire life. Everytime some new milestone or achievement appears. I’m not sure I’ll cope very well. Imagine me at his wedding. I already anticipate every girlfriend/boyfriend to hate me.