Being a chef widow

There are many misconceptions about going out with a chef. People assume you have 3 course gourmet dinners cooked for you every evening for a start; where this one came from I’ve no idea! Going out with a chef means spending most of your time alone; being asked where your other half is and having to go stag to most social events. Don’t get me wrong, when Pete does cook for me it’s awesome, but it’s once or twice a month and he uses every pot and pan we own and then I have to wash it all up. 

I knew all this before we got together and have dealt with it for 3 and a half years but now I feel sad that he is missing out on so much with Frankie. He’s missed pretty much all the firsts so far. But he was there during my entire hospital stay and then for Frankie’s first week which I will forever love him just a little bit extra for, he was my absolute rock. I think he found it hard for the first couple of months, working 16-18 hour days and then coming home to his mess of a girlfriend suffering through PND can’t have been easy for him and I only just feel that he’s getting his B (that’s me) back. 

Maternity leave is a little dull after Frankie goes to bed and so it’s really lonely in the evenings without Pete. I can’t just pop out to see people anymore cos I have a baby in bed. I miss him very much and end up texting him continually “are you done yet” which when I know he’s unlikely to be home before 11pm is a pointless exercise which probably makes him feel worse. 

Ultimately, I know that Pete loves his job, food is his passion and it’s difficult to even get slightly grumpy with someone who gives their all to their job to eventually build a better life for us. He is working towards having his own place one day and I’ve never known anyone work so hard and be so committed to their job purely for the love of it. He has known that he wanted to be a chef since he was a kid, I still don’t know what I want to do so I envy him hugely for working towards his goals constantly. 

The pros outweigh the cons, obviously, but we are like ships that pass in the night often and I’ll see him for 5 minutes in the morning between baby feeding and showers. He rarely even has 2 days off in a row. I’m not all woe is me, just wanted to offer an insight into the reality of life with a chef. I think chefs and those in the hospitality industry in general often get taken for granted, especially when customers are urged to complain by various tv shows etc but maybe next time you dine out just spare a thought as to who has cooked your meal and how much they are giving up to serve you that night. 

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