My little dude is 4 months old today and it got me to thinking how much more I know now that I am in the “Mum Club” which seems to be like Fight Club, first rule of Mum Club, don’t talk about Mum Club. You can never ever know the stuff you learn after having a baby until you have a baby. Simply dealing in ounces for liquids is a new concept and comparing baby weights; I still don’t get this, why do you care how much my baby weighs?
I thought I didn’t know a lot about babies but I was not prepared at all for learning things like the fact that sometimes babies continue to poop whilst changing their nappy and that you have to be prepared with another nappy immediately. I learnt that the hard way 2 weeks in when Frankie explosively shit everywhere, it hit the other side of the room and everything in between the wall and his arse. My beautiful white Fendi handbag looked like it had been dipped in korma sauce and at that moment I felt it summed up my life – something beautiful covered in shit. I can laugh about it now but in the depths of the baby blues that was not something I was at all prepared for. People should tell you that shit, pun intended.
I now know that babies need lots and lots of crap, mostly brightly coloured crap at that. I tried to avoid that one but have at least ended up with the coolest Lamaze toys that I could find cos let’s face it, some baby stuff is just an eyesore. I was dubious when my brother and sister in law insisted on getting us a vibrating bouncy chair, I did not think that I would need it as much as they made out I would. I was wrong, that vibrating chair with the stupid tunes has been a god send! I have had “Oranges and Lemons” stuck in my head for 4 months now though.
Muslins. Oh my word. I am officially a muslin snob, I only use my Aden & Anais ones as they are so beautiful and wash amazingly. But mainly cos they are pretty and have animals on! My previous knowledge of muslins was that they were used wet in the restaurant I worked at to keep the cheese fresh and to pass red wine through. Now I use them for everything, no exaggeration! I have little ones and massive ones and never leave the house without them. I genuinely didn’t even know what they were beyond cheese and wine use prior to being about 6 months pregnant.
I know what an Isofix base is; what a travel system is; optimum bath and bedroom temperatures. These are all things that you have no need to know prior to having a baby I appreciate but important none the less. I must say, I wonder what has had to leave my brain to make room for all the mum shit? Cos I definitely feel like I’m missing something! God help me when I go back to work, I’m sure whatever I’ve forgotten will rear its ugly head then!