Under-sharing.

The last few months I’ve fallen a bit out of posting on social media. I still watch InstaStories religiously and check out Facebook but I’m just finding myself not compelled to post. It’s quite liberating to not have everyone know everything that’s going on!

I don’t know if there is a reason for the under share or if I’ll want to start back over sharing but for now I’ll just apologise for the lack of info. I’m just enjoying a bit of privacy. Sounds silly as a nobody but even nobodies get talked about behind their back so let’s give them all something to talk about! Haha!

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So, another reason I haven’t had much to say was because I have been hiding a little secret…

I’m pregnant!! We are so happy and excited, after 8 months of trying it finally happened. I did plan on saying something sooner but I suddenly got a bit terrified of something going wrong and so decided to wait until after the 12 week scan.

We can’t wait to give Frankie a sibling, he doesn’t really understand yet but we are trying to involve him as much as we can. He’s so lovely with babies and gets so excited when he sees one and I can’t wait for him to have his own 😊

So, baby is due in November. Wedding is in January. Yeh, that’s gonna be a bit “busy” but it’ll be good fun, maybe. That’s why no dieting will be taking place so I want lots of thin thoughts sending my way when the baby arrives to ensure I fit in my dress!!

We aren’t doing the whole social media announcement, I’m a little bit out of love with sharing personal info online at the moment (with the exception of here) and also because we have found ourselves back involved in the gossip circle which is always nice to know that people find us so interesting!! Surely a simple congratulations would be nicer than telling people? Especially when it’s clear we haven’t told anyone… call me old fashioned but if I’ve not told you and we aren’t friends then it’s not your place to discuss something so personal.

But anyway, we are very excited for the coming year, lots more to say now the secret is out but just wanted to fill you in!

Getting Married After A Divorce.

I’ve toyed with writing this wondering how appropriate it is. But ultimately I thought fuck it, it’s my blog.

I hate referring to it as “this time round” or “this time” but there’s very little escape. So far, the two experiences have been poles apart and to be honest the comparison is quite nice to have in a weird way. Like I said before, the happy vibes from my family are amazing, the support and love they feel towards my little family and my Peter is something that I am so grateful for. But you can’t not love him, I tried, is impossible haha!!

I am reminded just how much frivolous shit you can potentially be talked into buying and even the most cynical of people has to stop themselves at some point and think “no, £500 on a cake is not necessary”. Good on anyone who does spend that, I’m sure your cake was the shit but it’s just not a priority for us.

The biggest thing for me is how I feel about it all. I’d forgotten how I felt first time round and now I realise I was focussed on getting through the wedding and planning it all and kept ignoring all my doubting feelings and the reality of being married to this person. This time, I just want to be Peter’s wife and that’s the bit I’m most looking forward to. I can’t wait to say our vows and have a lovely day with our family and friends but the morning after, that’s what I can’t wait for.

Christ I’m mushy, sorry. I’m also crying. Again.

More Wedding Planning.

Well, I’m nearly done. My reasons for cracking on and getting sorted early will become apparent soon but I have had such conflicting opinions of “you’ve left it late” and “you’ve got plenty of time”. I’m on the plenty of time side as I feel the time constraints are merely scaremongering tools used by suppliers to get people to spend more.

I’d forgotten what a bloody rip off the “W” word makes everything! It’s infuriating! I thought I’d look into a make up artist purely for ease on the day and one who charges £35 for occasion make up charges £125 for wedding make up. That’s disgraceful.

We’ve sorted our music and it was such a fun thing to do, our shared music is such a story of our life together so far and I really hope that comes across. I’ve also become highly emotional and cry at everything so we’ve gone with the songs that have made me sob uncontrollably haha!!

I organised the flowers last week and I am so excited, my bouquet is going to be stunning and is quite unusual, I absolutely love it! Red roses all through because they are so classic and beautiful.

Before the flower appointment I was trying to find inspiration for table centrepieces and Pete, the bloody genius, suggested we go Marvel. So that’s what we are doing, we are just doing it on the tables to avoid the “theme” but it’s gonna look awesome!! We didn’t even scrap over who was going to be the top table, I relented and it’s Iron Man, he’s Petes fave.

I’m so excited to have Frankie involved, I’m not going to try and give him a specific job, more that he can just do what he feels like on the day. I think he’ll have a great time, he loves a good dance and there’ll be a soft play area for all the kids.

Sorry if this wedding chat is boring you, I’ll have more to say soon!

Wedding Planning.

So after my December post about big weddings, I am now planning our wedding. And to be honest it’s bigger than either of us anticipated but mainly because with lots of kids involved, the logistics of our planned small London wedding was becoming a nightmare and quite frankly even more expensive that we considered.

We’ve found a great hotel nearby that has a really reasonable package deal for a day and night do so we are just gonna do that. We just want to be married ultimately but it will be so nice to do it in front of friends and family and have a first dance! I’m so excited about that bit cos dancing with Pete is my actual favourite.

I forgot about all the bullshit that comes with it tho, table plans, Flowers, centrepieces. Bullshit. Lol. Oh well, there are worse things in life and we are very lucky to be in a position to have a lovely wedding.

The best bit will be picking the music. Although Pete and I have so many songs it’s gonna be hard to narrow it down for the main ones but we have picked our exit song tho and it’s bloody brilliant!!!

What is amazing is seeing people’s reactions this time round, it is so obvious now how my family were supportive but couldn’t be happy about the union and this time they are all so excited and happy! It’s lovely. Only good vibes here!!

Well, I found my dress. Just like that.

I had been dreading going dress shopping for a number of reasons; not being particularly body confident, the hideous phone calls with other shops, the fact that the more dresses I look at online the more they all seem to look the same to me and mainly the fact that I didn’t believe in finding “the one” with a dress.

Well I was wrong on the last point. And I was right to go to the shop that was nice to me on the phone. It was the most wonderful experience, everything you should expect, bubbles, a private room, total acceptance of the unruly toddler who actually behaved like the star he is. Massive recommendation for Bliss Bridal in Doncaster, they were amazing.

They were so accommodating, so open to adding colour, open to me being a bit clueless after finding what I thought I wanted looked horrific. But anyway, I found it, I found my dress!! I only tried on about 8 or so, but the style that I thought I wanted (lace, sleeves) looked bloody terrible on me. So instead I have an ivory, tea length, boat neck with low back which is a satin top and organza skirt and I felt incredible in it. I probably shouldn’t have put any others on but the comparison helped. It was just me, the shop sample fit perfectly so I’m having that very one. My mum pulled it out when we were looking and I nearly cried, and then when I put it on it was just everything I didn’t know I’d been looking for. LouLou Bridal style Jeannie if anyone is interested. I’m not precious about people seeing it before!

It’s a lot more traditional than I expected but I’m going to add black shoes and accessories to funk it up as it has a very vintage feel and I don’t want to end up themed.

I have been looking online for quite sometime and the idea of what I wanted went out the window entirely although it is the length I wanted initially. It is so light and comfy and makes me feel so beautiful. I can’t wait to wear it and it’s made me even more excited to marry my best mate!!!

I almost feel disappointed to have “sold out” by having my dress moment but it just shows, even the most cynical twat can be converted by a pretty dress 😂

Wedding Dress Shopping for the Non Traditional Bride…

…is proving to be a fucking nightmare. I phoned 5 shops before finding one who didn’t just totally shut me down for asking for sleeves, a high-low hem and a bit of colour. Wow. I also really don’t believe in spending a fortune, I never have, I think the price tags attached to wedding dresses are severely over inflated and I’m just not dropping more than £750 on a dress for one day.

I also don’t have the type of figure that can wear anything, I’m about a stone or 2 more than I would ideally like to be but I won’t be dieting before the wedding and I have a man who makes me feel beautiful so to be honest, I’ll feel beautiful in anything just because of how he looks at me.

I feel more comfortable in funky clothing because I feel people are looking at those rather than me… wow this got deep! Having been a bride before, I felt beautiful in my awesome dress but I didn’t feel content or beautiful in any other way so this is a very different scenario.

I’m going to the nice shop on Tuesday so I’ll see what happens and keep you posted! If it proves unsuccessful I’ll be back to the internet!

Remember me…?

I’ve been a bit rubbish at writing recently, I’ve just not felt I’ve had much to say! But then when I thought about it, I actually do.

So, Pete put a ring on it!! We are engaged! And I have the most beautiful black diamond ring, I’m a very lucky lady!! So wedding plans a go go! We are looking to get married in January which is very exciting, just got to navigate the politics of the guest list… so I’ll be adding stuff about that as and when.

The engagement wasn’t a big spectacular which I’m pleased about, we’d been talking about it for a while and I was involved in the ring choice once he’d narrowed the choices down. It was just a lovely way to solidify our relationship.

It’ll be really special to have Frankie there. I don’t want to give him a specific role, just let him do what he wants really, I think kids at weddings are brilliant and there will loads so it will be so much fun!

Pete works away all week now so I’m a full on chef widow but hopefully things will get better soon, Frankie and I miss him terribly!! Plus, I would like to share the 5.30am mornings!!

So that’s what’s going on at the mo! Hope you’re all well and I promise to get back to regular posting!

And just like that, he’s 2.

Wow. I can’t believe he’s a two year old. It seems like yesterday we were celebrating his first birthday yet I can’t really remember life before him. Bit of a lie, I remember lie ins and all day hangovers in bed with pizza. And leaving the house quickly.

This year has been incredible, seeing my baby’s personality shine and get more pronounced. Everything he does astounds me, his counting to 10 (minus 7, he hates 7) and his love for Thomas the Tank Engine (specifically Gordon and Caitlin tho) and his funny little ways. His talking is incredible, his voice and his unique words that most of the time I’m the sole translator. It’s such a special time. I want to bottle it.

I’m so grateful that I have this incredible little boy and I am so proud of every ounce of him. I beam when people tell me how lovely he is or compliment anything about him. I did that. Nothing I ever do will match that feeling as nothing else matters except my dude.

We are still in with trying for a sibling for him but nothing has happened as yet. We remain hopeful. But if our lot in life is to have one, my god we got a really good one. How lucky are we?

Happy Birthday my little love. I can’t wait to see your face at your party on Sunday. Momma may cry. A lot. Sorry Squish.

2018 is gonna be a good one.

I can feel it.

Last New Years Eve sent me crashing into a depressive state. But it was the low before I finally started to emerge as a better version of myself and start to get back to some semblance of normalcy.

This year, I feel good. I’ve got a great family, an incredible boyfriend (I think, I don’t see him much, but when I do he’s very pretty…), the most perfect little boy that gets scrummier and yummier everyday and a few friends who are genuine and I know they are my lifers.

I don’t know what’s in store for 2018 but we are all happy and healthy and nothing else matters beyond that does it.

So no “new year, new me” bullshit, cos I’m alright actually.